brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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