I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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