So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Randomize
