i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
