yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
