i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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