Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
