im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
