it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
