So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Randomize
