I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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