I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
