Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
