The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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