so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
