I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
