Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
