I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
