i was rollin on her like bob the builder
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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