You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
