well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
