Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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