did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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