my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
