everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
