Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
