I'm really into asian looking animals
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
