I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
