I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I wish I only lived at night.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
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