My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
