Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
