I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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