Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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