John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
