I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I need water and some morals
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
