So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
