Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
you had me at cake vodka
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
