it hurts more in the daytime
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
