he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
