Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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