Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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