I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Boobs speak an international language.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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