I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
