oh god the rape fog is back!
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
