Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
