Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
