and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
