I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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