Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
