Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Randomize
