so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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