You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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