With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
