this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
