Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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